Pictured here is a productive version of a panda. During life, this creature provides the gift of milk to keep osteoporosis from knocking at your family’s door. After this fine animal completes its life full of worth and purpose, its body is still of use as it is then made into delicious meat that can be enjoyed a multitude of ways.

Pandas accomplish nothing during their short lives except devour precious bamboo, therefore strongly decreasing the number of didgeridoos produced. Also, the panda species -still to this day- opposes the Civil Rights Act of 1875.